Sadness

This is an emotional post for me. It doesn't seem real. He's been the prophet since I was 3. His wife died, and he'd get kind of sick, but he'd always bounce right back again. This was so sudden. He was up and around going to events right up until he died. When he said he might not be at the next General Conference, I didn't think he meant it. He's always joking around like that. This is like my grandpa dying. I'm not mad at him for dying or mad at anybody else. And it's just plain selfish of me, but every time I think about him and how he won't be here anymore, I start bawling. Everyone else is talking about how they're happy because he's with Heavenly Father and his wife, but I'm still really sad. I feel like a family member has died. And I wanted to meet him in person. This is weird because I don't cry about very many things. But I'm the one that had tears pouring down my face during seminary when Bro. Rasmussen started talking about him. He had to get the tissue box for me. It's just that I've come to love him and feel his love for everybody more and more every year as I get older. And it seemed like he's live forever. I knew he would die someday, but that day seemed so far away and then it happened. While I was dancing around in my living room to crazy 80's music with my family. My family was so happy at the second he died. When at the same time his family was gathered around him, having a spiritual, happy and sad moment. Life is so weird like that. I don't even understand why I want to cry every 5 minutes. I can't control it. I really wish he could come back. I guess I'm just going through a mourning process. Sadness...