Mothers Day 2013

Dear Lachlan,

I got an idea to write a letter to you on the first Mother's Day that we spent together.
I'm not an eloquent writer.
But here it goes.
We got to spend the day with Grandma, Grandpa, Tashi, Mia, Noah, and Gracie.
And so it made me think a lot about Grandma as my mom.
I made Grandma a mother, and you did the same for me.
Thank you for being such an easy baby.
Thank you for being such a smiley baby.
Your smiles make everything worth it.
Thank you for being a healthy baby.
Sometimes I feel guilty for jerking you around so much as a newborn so that I could be a full-time college student.
Sometimes I wish that I didn't have that extra stress in my life, so that I could be a more relaxed mom for you.
Even though we had a rough start to it, thank you for learning to nurse, so that I could take that time to slow down and hold you during my busy semester.
Sometimes I wish that I was able to have a set schedule for you like other stay-at-home or working moms.
But you have a mom and dad that love you, as well as all four grand-parents.
We want you to do well.
I want to give you the best start possible.
Even though you are such an easy baby, quite often I feel guilty and second guess myself as a mother.
I don't know if I'll ever even come close to being a perfect mom, but I want to try my best.
Just for you.
Because I love you.
Your personality shows a little more each day and I can't wait until the day when we can talk to each other.
I hope you still want to cuddle me even as you grow older.
I hope that we can become friends.
And continue to bond.
You have taught me more about myself than anything else. 
I care about people too much for my own good sometimes.
So I hope I don't smother you, but I want you to know that I do care...a lot.
No matter what happens, I will love you forever.
Thank you for making this my first Mothers Day. 
It was a wonderful one. 
I love you.