Extras

I would just like to point out some fun stuff on my blog.

You can become a follower of my blog on my sidebar, or follow my blog by email at the very bottom. You will also see my total page views, a search bar for my blog if you're looking for a specific post, and a wedding countdown. Don't forget to feed my fish on the sidebar too!

Rings

The long promised ring pictures!

This is the wedding band I bought for Bear. It's 5 mm Titanium

Here's my engagement ring! It looks a lot prettier in person.

Round cut diamond, 3/4 karat, white gold. Just what I wanted. I'm happy.
Bear works so hard to give me what I want. I love him.

And I finally got jewelry cleaner for it! I feel all official!

It makes my heart full

This was in front of my dorm door last night. It made me really happy. They're from my RA, Katie. It made me feel guilty because I never do this kind of thing for other people in need. It really encouraged me to look for more people in need.

I'm feeling a lot better. The pain is going away. I was never in denial or angry. I just needed to cry. Which is what bear let me do. What would I do without his patience?

My family started the drive to Utah today. My parents asked me if I wanted them to buy a plane ticket for me. I really wanted to go. And I'm sure my professors would understand and I wouldn't be gone for very long. And it was a really hard decision. But I prayed and stressed and prayed and stressed and decided to stay at school. I'm still sad about it, but I need to listen to the Spirit, right? Gah my faith is being stretched right now. I want to be stronger. Bear supports my decision either way. I love him.

I don't want to sound super emo on this blog. But I really am on an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I'm super happy and at peace about it. Sometimes the littlest thing can make me cry. And want to sit around doing nothing but focus on my sadness.

I've had so many people saying that they've been thinking about me and praying for me. It makes my heart full.

When my mom called me yesterday to let me know that grandpa's blood pressure was at 40 and he was going to get a blessing of release that day, I was happy for him that he would be let go from his pain. But later that day I just started bawling during class. Ironically, it was just as my grandpa was dying, I just didn't know it then. I had a missed call right after class. I really think I have a spiritual connection with my grandpa. Our lives have always been interconnected in an interesting way. I love him.

Thanks to Bear, to Greta for taking me to the benefit concert, to Jena for working for me, and to Katie for the flowers.

I'm the type of person that cries really hard and then I've let it go and I'm okay. I will be okay. I will see him again. I just want to be with my family during this time. My grandma's wedding dress and the temple are so much more important to me all of the sudden.

But I'll be okay because I believe in eternity.

Grandpa

My grandpa died today.

Even though I've known for months, I'm still in shock. I've never had somebody close to me die before. He was so young. And I know that he was the best man that he could be and is sealed in the temple. And I know he's not in pain anymore. And I know he's with his dad now. And I know it's the Savior's birthday. But I'm going through the grieving process right now.

I had to take a free day at work and I could barely make it back up to my room because my throat was closing off and I couldn't see through the tears. Now I just feel blah and I don't want to do anything. I want to be with my family right now.

I'm happy because I felt like I needed to write him a letter recently and I did. It was good timing - it barely made it in time.

I found this post I wrote about my grandpa back in 2007:

http://lexichan.blogspot.com/2007/03/dr-limburg-my-granpa.html

I'm so glad I got to spend so much time with him at Christmas. And I don't think I would've wanted to see him suffering and fading away at the end. But I just want to give him a hug right now. I didn't spend a lot of my life with him because we've always lived so far away, but he has really motivated me to do well in school and I look to him as an example of service.

I'm grateful for temples right now and I know that he'd be proud of what I'm about to do. He never got to meet Bear in person :( But my mom said he'll still be at the wedding with me. I'm grateful for eternal families. I just want the pain to go away.