This is where I'm at

So here's an update on my life. I got "best dressed" for my senior personality in the year book. Because our class is so small, everyone gets one, but not more than one. Which I think is a good idea, until they have to make a "most unique personality" category. I'm happy with what I got.

I'm done with all my local scholarships and turned them in on time. We'll see how that goes. I did not join track, or any other extra-curricular activity after the play. I've been applying for jobs. I applied to work at NRI during the summer, and I need to go apply at N Inn and Suites to be a housekeeper. My parents want me to earn several thousand dollars this summer. Yet again, we'll see how that goes. My parents are paying 0% for my college tuition and pocket money.

Which brings us to the point of even though I have a scholarship at SVU, I am still a few thousand dollars short. Which is why I'm hoping to get lots of local scholarships. And I'm retaking the ACT this Saturday, and I really need to get a 28. My highest right now is a 26, and this will be my 4th time taking it. So I've been studying my butt off. So say I do get a 28 ACT, I need to have a 3.80 GPA to be considered for a huge scholarship at SVU. And that scholarship isn't even a set amount. It's up to $15,000, and supersedes all other scholarships I've been awarded by them. Right now I have a 3.79 GPA, and I can only afford to get one or two B's this semester. Which doesn't seem like a big deal, but I have major senioritis, giving me no desire to do well in my classes.

So going to SVU feels rights, but I have a GPA, ACT score, local scholarships, and getting good jobs this summer ready to flip the scales on me. I have plenty for BYU or BYU-Idaho, but all the good classes are taken at BYU and I would be leaving very soon if I went there. But it's still very scary to decline BYU! And if I choose BYU-Idaho, I would get to wait til January to start my first semester. So I could go to school in June, August, or January. I need to have faith that all my financial needs will be met, especially if I feel like SVU is right, but my stress level is crazy right now.

I should be focusing on Prom and graduation, and seminary graduation. But just thinking about those makes me want to cry. I need a hug. So this is why I still don't have a definite college I can announce that I'm going to. Gah. I really don't want to be studying this hard at the end of my senior year when everything should be winding down.

On the happy side, I had a wonderfully relaxing spring vacation. I didn't have to work, I didn't have a school or church activity (besides Conference - but I didn't have to leave the house for that), and not too much homework. I got to hang out with friends, go watch Clash of the Titans with my daddy (which was very good by the way,) and watch conference. I loved conference. Elder Holland's talk was my favorite again. I tried to be unbiased when listening to all the talks and not favor him, but I still think his was the best. Maybe because it was one of the few talks that wasn't directed to parents and applied to my time of life in finding a true love. I liked the two talks that said giving up is not an option.

The Easter Bunny still visits me at age 18. And gives me candy. And the weather during spring break was wonderful - in the 70s and 80s the whole time! It sounds like Utah got snow for their break. I'm also very proud of myself because I made a huge mosaic poster for my Civil War class that was due the day back from break. It took me 13 hours. I took a painting and made it into a mosaic with little pieces of colored magazine paper. I need to get a picture of it.

I also saw the Princess and the Frog during break and loved it. And we got to have Easter Dinner with the Rodenbergs in Quincy, in their brand new house. I threw up all Easter night though. I never had a fever and jumped right back the next day so I guess it wasn't too bad. I do really hate throwing up though. And today is the 180th anniversary of the church being organized which I think is rather exciting. Me and Tash are working with the sister missionaries in our ward to teach discussions to a girl at our school - but life keeps throwing horrible things at her. I feel so bad and just thinking about it makes all my college/senior troubles seem like baby nuggets. I don't know what I would do without the gospel in hard times though.

Life is always a mixutre of good and bad I guess. Sorry if I sound like a schizophrenic person with thoughts all over the place. But this is where I am right now.