artsy

I want to quilt. But I'm just not in the right mood too. Which doesn't make sense, because I want to. Maybe it's like me wanting to go on a no-sugar diet, but I'm never in the mood to start. I always want to create something beautiful, but feel discouraged that it won't turn out that way. Should I force myself to quilt? I feel like I will never finish my grandmother's flower garden quilt. Or any of the other things I have started.

I feel like I'm not ready for college, and never will be. I only have one year now to be ready. The new school and seminary that I hated has opened up my mind. I thought I learned a lot when I moved to Utah...forget that. I've learned 100 times more here in N town. I didn't think I would make it through the school year, but now I can't believe it's already over.

There's something about N town that always makes you feel at peace. You feel protected and watched over. Sounds cheesy, I know. But I live on the street where all my ancestors had to walk down to the water and cross over to the other side after they were kicked out of their homes. The Trail of Hope. It feels so sacred. The temple is so close. Everytime you pass that corner and it comes into view on s sunny morning, it radiates the white and almost blinds you. I almost go off the road staring at it. You have to pass the temple to go to church from our house. How many people get to do that?

I have had so many spiritual and educational, artisitc opportunities that I have never had before until I moved here. I feel so inspired by all the people around me.

My friend Eli gave a nice talk in sacrament meeting today. He is so spiritual. He always cries during his talks. I know I should ultimately be thinking, what whould Jesus do? But I seriously usually end up thinking, what would Eli do? He's my role model and hero.

I had to give a talk last week on memorial day weekend. We had so many visitors in our ward, the whole cultural hall was filled up too. I couldn't even see how far back the people went. And I only had a couple of days to prepare for my talk. But I learned a lot from it. My favorite thing I got reminded was that Heavenly Father is paying us the ultimate compliment by giving us freedom. And if we just obey, we are protected. Not from adversity, but from being alienated from God. Not to get too deep here. My mind is just going crazy right now.

And we get to go watch one of my favorite movies for family home evening tomorrow night: Joseph Smith, Prophet of the Restoration.

I wish artistic things came to me naturally, and I didn't have to force it.