Los Angeles Temple

I went to the Los Angeles Temple with the Relief Society sisters in my new ward on Thursday morning. It was the first time I'd been to this temple and it was a wonderful experience. It's huge and gorgeous! Definitely before "mini temples". It was kind of weird not having Bear there but it was a great opportunity to go. I want to make a goal of going to the temple once a month, which will be tricky because Bear works so much and then we're pretty far from the Washington D.C. Temple at school too. But I'm determined. I miss my teenage days of hopping on the train on a random night to go to the Tokyo Temple, or walking down the street to the Nauvoo Temple. The temple is a lovely grand place. We should all go. Because it makes people happy. I'm happy that I'm sealed to my family forever. It's a good feeling, especially now as my grandpa passed away recently. It's a learning experience every time I go. Why is that we take them for granted when they're right next to us? Temples. Temples. Temples. I love them.

The paragraph above has no structure because the temple makes a million emotions and thoughts run through my head. To sum it up, it was worth getting married in the temple. In my grandma's dress. (We've almost been married for a month! Gah)

Life is good

Sometimes I miss my grandpa. But I'm proud of him. He was a good example and worked hard until the end. I'm really sad that I couldn't be there for the funeral. But my family recorded it and I'll get to listen to it soon.

The following pictures make me happy. I keep hearing even from church members how hard marriage is. I'm not naive enough to think I will be in utter bliss for the rest of my life. But can we be a little more positive here? I'm not worried. I'm hopeful and I know that married life will have to be something that I work at, but I know it will be very fulfilling and worth it.

I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father gave us emotions so that we could feel joy, even if it's not all the time.

Mia's birthday was on Friday. She's 10. Noah turned 7 today. I'm freaking out. They got their TOMS on time. Phew. Mine should be here tomorrow. I'm so exited!!! Oh and our cat had kittens at home today.

So yes, I have so much homework I think I'm going to die and I'm not getting enough sleep and I hate how much time wedding invitations are taking up, but life is so happy and good right now. The baseball team is at 26-5. They just beat a team that beat them earlier in the season. I'm happy all-around.

Aren't my grandparents the cutest? This picture would've been a year after they got married. I want to be cute like them.

It makes my heart full

This was in front of my dorm door last night. It made me really happy. They're from my RA, Katie. It made me feel guilty because I never do this kind of thing for other people in need. It really encouraged me to look for more people in need.

I'm feeling a lot better. The pain is going away. I was never in denial or angry. I just needed to cry. Which is what bear let me do. What would I do without his patience?

My family started the drive to Utah today. My parents asked me if I wanted them to buy a plane ticket for me. I really wanted to go. And I'm sure my professors would understand and I wouldn't be gone for very long. And it was a really hard decision. But I prayed and stressed and prayed and stressed and decided to stay at school. I'm still sad about it, but I need to listen to the Spirit, right? Gah my faith is being stretched right now. I want to be stronger. Bear supports my decision either way. I love him.

I don't want to sound super emo on this blog. But I really am on an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I'm super happy and at peace about it. Sometimes the littlest thing can make me cry. And want to sit around doing nothing but focus on my sadness.

I've had so many people saying that they've been thinking about me and praying for me. It makes my heart full.

When my mom called me yesterday to let me know that grandpa's blood pressure was at 40 and he was going to get a blessing of release that day, I was happy for him that he would be let go from his pain. But later that day I just started bawling during class. Ironically, it was just as my grandpa was dying, I just didn't know it then. I had a missed call right after class. I really think I have a spiritual connection with my grandpa. Our lives have always been interconnected in an interesting way. I love him.

Thanks to Bear, to Greta for taking me to the benefit concert, to Jena for working for me, and to Katie for the flowers.

I'm the type of person that cries really hard and then I've let it go and I'm okay. I will be okay. I will see him again. I just want to be with my family during this time. My grandma's wedding dress and the temple are so much more important to me all of the sudden.

But I'll be okay because I believe in eternity.

Grandpa

My grandpa died today.

Even though I've known for months, I'm still in shock. I've never had somebody close to me die before. He was so young. And I know that he was the best man that he could be and is sealed in the temple. And I know he's not in pain anymore. And I know he's with his dad now. And I know it's the Savior's birthday. But I'm going through the grieving process right now.

I had to take a free day at work and I could barely make it back up to my room because my throat was closing off and I couldn't see through the tears. Now I just feel blah and I don't want to do anything. I want to be with my family right now.

I'm happy because I felt like I needed to write him a letter recently and I did. It was good timing - it barely made it in time.

I found this post I wrote about my grandpa back in 2007:

http://lexichan.blogspot.com/2007/03/dr-limburg-my-granpa.html

I'm so glad I got to spend so much time with him at Christmas. And I don't think I would've wanted to see him suffering and fading away at the end. But I just want to give him a hug right now. I didn't spend a lot of my life with him because we've always lived so far away, but he has really motivated me to do well in school and I look to him as an example of service.

I'm grateful for temples right now and I know that he'd be proud of what I'm about to do. He never got to meet Bear in person :( But my mom said he'll still be at the wedding with me. I'm grateful for eternal families. I just want the pain to go away.

Weekend

I really wish I had my camera with me. Because I don't feel like I'm a good enough writer to blog without pictures to go along with it. Oh well.

I had a good weekend with my roomies again. Rachel got her car fixed, so she got to go home for the weekend to North Carolina. I don't like how I miss people I just met.

We all went to Alexander's for ice cream right after class on Friday. I got black raspberry with a brownie mix-in of course! Nate (the guy who owns the place and is one of my chorus teachers) was like, "you want a whole brownie?" Yes, make me feel fat. Please. But then he realized I ordered a single, not a double. So he said I was justified with a whole brownie.

When we went to pick up Rachel's car, the guy who owned the car place (Leroy) said, "was that all you girls laughing out there? I think you were having too much fun. I wish I could be young." But he didn't seem nostalgic or joking. He actually seemed depressed about it. How sad is that? It's your choice whether you're going to have a happy life or not, no matter what your environment is.

Morgann came and slept over that night in Rachel's bed. And we went to the mall in the morning! It was only an hour away, and a very good mall. And I got my hair highlighted for $5. I only had to buy the bleach. It's not super noticeable. But I felt like my hair was a little dark. Morgann colored her hair back to brown. It was kind of nippy outside, so we snuggled and watched The Haunting in Connecticut. We pulled the mattresses onto the floor and Morgann and me squished Greta in the middle. Morgann and Greta were holding hands and I was clasped onto Greta's arm. There was a part were we screamed and jumped so loud, their hands were almost broken and Greta's arm almost broke so we had to pause the movie to wait for the pain to subside. Morgann didn't sleep over again, so me and Greta just slept on the mattresses together. We talked about boys til 1:30, when Greta passed out. I had to keep making sure she was there during the night. Why do I keep watching scary movies?

I'm having all my roommates take the Love Language test. It's actually quite informational. I've taught them about "dressing their truths." Now we just need to take the color-personality test. Hee hee

I really miss 2:00 church. 9:00 is just not making my body happy. At all. Yes, you can take a nap after church, but why not just sleep in and not interrupt your sleep? And go to church happy? And then you have less time after church to be tempted to do non-churchy things. Or be tempted to not take a nap.

I got called as a Visiting Teaching supervisor today. Doesn't sound too bad. Of course that's what I get because my mom is so visiting teaching centered. Greta's the compassionate service chair, and Haylea's a Gospel Doctrine teacher. Rachel doesn't have a calling yet because she was out of town. I'm excited for the CES fireside tonight. It's my first one!

The update on my grandpa is: they never got a definite diagnosis in Chile. They ruled out a few kind of cancers including squamos cell, lymphoma, and melanoma. They got back to Utah on Saturday (yesterday) afternoon, bringing back slides with them to get a better diagnosis here in the U.S. Their first doctor appointment is Monday. They're going to keep us updated. I'm praying!

And my cousin Stephen comes home off his mission on Thursday. And my birthday's next Tuesday! Life is good. But we're getting so old! 21 and 19? What is this?

COLLEGE

I finished my first two weeks of college! When I told my mom that she laughed because I sounded so proud of myself. It's been busy but a good busy. I haven't gotten too overwhelmed and I've been spending my time wisely. I'm loving it here. Virginia is beautiful. Especially Rockbridge County. The view from my dorm is breathtaking. No matter what time of day. I need to post a picture. Just rows and rows of green mountains. Ah.

Even the math class I was dreading isn't so bad. Everything's been going good for me. No roommate fighting/drama, no classes I hate...I feel like I've already learned a lot just in these 2 weeks. Major still undecided...but right now I'm thinking about history. Oh, and Pocahontas helped me in class today. I was able to answer the question, "what British group came to the U.S. before the Puritans?" The Virginia Company, in sixteen-hundred-seven. (Not sixteen-oh-seven). So I'm keeping up with all my schoolwork, while still having the time of my life with my roommates. We spend too much time with each other. We keep trying to go out and be social, but things keep getting in the way (like a car not starting on the way to a football game)...but get this! I just got asked out on a date tonight. I've only been here for 2 1/2 weeks! But it's complicated. My roommates know the story. I'm very torn.

There's good devotionals every Friday to start off your weekend. Today's was by Stephanie Smith, a lady that just joined the church in 2007. But she had a top position in the CIA! And my institute teacher's wedding anniversary was yesterday. He said only about 3% of our generation would make it that far. I'm thinking I want to be in that 3%.

Oh, I'm on the Institute activities committee. I know my family misses me, and of course I miss them. But I can't believe how scared and homesick I was those first few days. That all seems so silly now. I realized I've been ready for college for a long time. Oh, and we got to go help some people move for $15 an hour. I loved it. I loved how I can come to a small town in the middle of Virginia and say Nauvoo, and everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about. But like this moving family weren't members, so I just had to explain that It's a tiny town in Illinois on the Mississippi River. "Is it by Bloomington?" Noooo. I love being Mormon.

And I just found out my grandpa has stage 4 cancer. And my love life is all messed up. But those haven't gotten me down. Every other happy thing has drowned those 2 things out. And when isn't a love life messed up? So I guess that one doesn't really count. And I feel like there's 2 different paths in my life that seem like they could never match up. But they both feel right. So I'm all sorts of confused. But I'm just trusting that it will all work out in the end. It always does if you follow your heart. Yes, Pocahontas has taught me many life lessons.

Gah I feel like all my blog posts don't make sense. But comment, because that makes me happy too

So my advice is...go to college, because it makes you happy!